I once….long ago…was a hatter of change.
refusing the new, clinging to the old.
and i wont lie (becuase i am honest) that i do still do this offten.
but, as a always changing being, i can not stop the changes in my life or the things that stay the same either.

i find it funny that i, as a young person, have so little changes go on…that when a small one comes my way it seems like the worst thing ever.
i dont like this.
not at all.

i like my constants….i like them very much…and i dont like them leaving me. but of course…
lately….they have been leaving like i am the black plague.

arg.
but, if you know me at all
you know that i am one to just ignor and only discreetly be upset about the down falls in my life.

and you also know that i really have no idea what i want to say in this blog….

arg.

i guess what i want to say…is that i give up.
i dont really want to care that much that i get upset when things change.

i have discovered, that God takes things away when they take our focus off of him….because for us to be truly happy we must keep our eye on him.
so if things are changing it must be for my best.

and i guess i should be happy.
and in reality i am.
i have it much better off then some people and no one is hurting(physically) me or leaving me (emotionally)
I am the one leaving if anything.
my swift choice to go the catholic school in my area is leaving the friends i have at my public school…the ones i take for nothing and dont even count as friends half the time….

but ya.
thats my life,
its just me.
being a prick
as always.

oh and, as a frequent surffer of the internet, i Viva, have forund a place more suitable for me to post my blog; it is at; http://www.tumblr.com

:)

SO this will be my last word press blog!! :’( {not that anyone has really read it in the longest time}

if you wish to continue to read my lame and trivial thoughts, you can do so here. but its not much yet ;D

8. If a guy is bothering your girlfriend, it is your right to beat the sh!t out of him.

9. If you’re talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer. It’ll make her feel secure that you love her more than the other girl.

19. Remember: Girls are pretty, but yours is the Prettiest!

35. I expect you to call me. If you don’t, you go down.

38. You look hot in hooded clothing items. Always.

45. Girls need to hear how you feel about them. Often. Tell her now.

51. We can fall in love with you without really knowing you, if you are an @ss, we will find out, and we will get over it. Fast. Don’t ruin it.

58. Call sometimes, just to say hi, not for a certain reason. When we see your number on caller ID, our heart always skips a beat. Try calling just to say good night, or good morning, its soo adorable!

66. We like our hands to be held and our waists to be touched.

81. If we’re not talking to you, we secretly want you to talk to us first

100. If a girl really likes you, just seeing you will make her day.

102. Every time you smile at us, it may mean only a little to you, but it means the world to us. Don’t take the little things for granted.

love you world!
xoxo – Viva :)
.

This year has been mixed so far. nothing really has changed physically…just…emotionally.

if you know what i mean.

things still looks the same
sound the same
they feel the same when you touch them
they smell the same
and taste the same.

conversations still carry the same tone
and hands still go the same places

the same things are done
and the same places are visited.

but.
things
FEEL

different.
or at least they should.
for the same feelings are not in place as they were 48 hours ago.

so,

there are Three options i can consider.

1) Things aren’t really different…they just are pretending to be for an unknown reason.
2) My life for the past 4 month has been a sham, and there-for things aren’t really different.
3)Things have changed all together and i am just not allowing my self to fully see it.

I remember during PRiME Speed gave me three choices for many things.
from then on i saw the sensibility of it, and did the same for most things in my life.

But this time i was given no options.
nothing to reason with or play with.

just a
“this is how it is…..I think”

which confused me quite a bit….because even though i had noticed a few off things over the past few weeks, it hadnt been enough to bother me.
or
not enough to bother me into a fit of trying to figure out what was wrong.

but its funny how emotions can change, how memories can change with just a little time.

because memories, that once were happy and made me giddy and blush to my self, now only make me worried and longing.
they just dont feel the same,
things may never feel the same.

Memories of trees and lakes.
of blushing and giggling
of screaming and falling

of stupid things like that.

of things that are too embarrassing and too old to post on my blog with out being harassed ;D

but i wont complain, i wont cry on gossip.

ill just be Frugal.
because all things come to an end (even if you don’t want them too) so ill snip and clip and find ways to save.

xoxo
Viva

- The Devil Wears Prada (Danger; Wildman)

its crazy to read the words, then listen to the song, then watch the music video.
love these words, the video is kinda creepy…but whatever.

Maybe i should just go back to bed

or watch a movie

or prank call someone

no, all seem to…

blerg.

this is my christmas.

:D:D:D:D:D

miss people alot.

miss camp

miss when christmas was fun

miss the warm

miss the wind

miss the humidy

miss my babies

miss the community

miss the sandles

miss the smiles

miss the adventure

miss my friends

miss the hugs

miss waking up to sweeping

miss being to cold to wake up in the summer

i miss it all.

this is just not my time of year.

but you know what, its not all about me now is it?!?!

nope.

viva xo

1. I’m back at co-op and loving it.

2. Two of my close (speed and the little bro-ski) have braces as of now. and i don’t! what a feeling to have perfect teeth ;D

3. The snow is extremely pretty

4. My ugg’s are keeping me So warm in this cold.

5. my house is warm.

6. i have time to do my hair today

7. I am seeing at least five people that i care greatly for today

8. two days in a row off!

9. it is soon the time of year that isee all my family

10. talkin on le phone with addyyy

This time of the year so much happens, and it is crazy! my dear…so much work and school and life. i had this awsome idea to go back though my note books and share with you random writing from this time of the year, in the the past two years of my life (the two i have documented you see :D)

so ya…

honestly…i never document this time of the year…wow thats sad. so i have not thing to share… :(

BUT I have found some other dates that are the same!! there is actually very few, strange enough…but this is some from the first i found.

October 2nd 2007:

…I went to a Hockey game with lauren and Etka. the guy laurens dealing with is the goale for the AE Ajax team so we went to watch him and it was lots of fun (my first hockey game!) i want to go again! …it will have to be in a while though becuase im babysitting this weekend and i prehapes am staying at Alyys the next. But you never know..on sunday alex came over. she liked the new house but it was a very short visit, not too interesting. same as my week so far. i tried out for dance team yesterday – yet did not make it – and that was monday, today was just kinda boring. i need some drama or something. ah well…field hockey practice tomorrow…

October 2nd 2009

Today was pretty sick. actually most of the day was boing and terribly misrable…But i got too see a C-section @ co-op was AMAZING. it was honestly the coolest thing i have ever seen. they cut into the mothers belly and get too pull the baby outand the baby is this tiny little thing, a purplely color with white chalkly stuff all over it. all crying and shouting, afraid of the light….[i go on..]

march 11th 2008

…we leave thursday morning and thursday night me and little brother are going to a relient K concert!!! AAAAHHHHH!!!! i am SO excited, they got a new drummer so they are playing a few small venues, and it just so happens they are doing one near Cleavland while i’m there!!! …..[not too interesting]

march 11th 2009

…let me tell you about it, how every moment was truly amazing. we shopped in downtown Jinga, which was really, really cool and i bought, as did everyone else a very nice skirt/wrap to where while in town/villages/the orpanage. for the morning we visted and this one was actually really nice. i felt like i really connected with the mammas there. it was called welcome home, and i did feel truly welcome there. the afternoon we did much more. we went to a school way out in one of the villages and worked where, it was called gods gift…..

i have no more time for i have to go get ready for work, but i will write better ones later!!!

xo

Viva.

I am sitting at home, so lovely, so nice to just chill, just have a break!!!!

BAH!

tonight, in very few hours (like five) i will be leaving for the airport!!! and from there get on a plane and head off for Florida!!!

*YAAAAYY!*

this is very exciting.

yes, very.

So i will try to write while i am away…..I promised speed at least two email, so i will promise you at least two Blogs (but i hardly keep this type of promise so lets see how it goes..)

i know for a fact that i will miss all my mates when i go… very deepy. but it may be made up by seeing disney characters and shopping and beaching….who knows…. :D:D:D

now…i will blog later to day with a real topic, but for now i am off to play the Sims 3….

xo Viva!!

Saturday, My friend from work was trying all day to make me take his shift, and i am very happy that i didnt.

this morning in Church i discovered that i can get very jealous….very fast.

But then, seeing my sin, i tried to stop said feelings…only to fail (greatly) but under no harsh reactions thankfully. Letting it go…was easy but at the same time i didnt want to….blarg.

Because…its not even that im ‘jelous’ per-say…..im just…so worried that something is actually going on that i dont know about…and i should be worried for….something.

I get my afraid then jealous…and afriad from being jealous.

But my afternoon was the best they get in my books.

A day of Being home alone with speed, just chilling and sleeping and watching television. Truly the best type of day, and being completely honest i didnt know what to do with my self once he left me.

Doing nothing is far less enjoyable when one has to do it all alone. It much much better when there is some one beside you (or where ever they are around you)

Just lieing on the sofa being sleepy and lazy….seems much less of a lazy pointless thing to do, when there is a someone joining in on the same activity with you.

it is also the most enjoyable when said person is one whom you care very much for and dont want to go away any time soon.

This is God showing his love to me :)

xo viva