Lets Put the Future Behind Us.

The Future.

Something that has to come.

but really, is always coming, never really gets here…because it becomes the present so quickly…then, just as fast the past.

A dictionary definition of Furture is; a condition, esp. of success or failure, to come: Some people believe a gypsy can tell you your future.

And, the future has just been something….that lately, i have been putting….too much pressure on. (and honestly, i go though phases like this, i stop living in the moment and worry about every little thing and how it  may affect my future)

so lately, it has been – overthinking things like…University, my career, camp next year, my relationships (with friends family and my romantic one) and just…EVERYTHING.

and its painful. for those of you how don’t know. it really hurts, to not be able to actually enjoy a moment to its fullest because you are too caught up in worrying about it ending.

Not being able to focus on homework, becuase your too worried about it being perfect and not giving you the grades you need.

Not being able to form normal friendships with people because your too busy imaging how they will eventually stab you in the back or even worse.

I literally, have been going crazy for the past week or so. :P

But, i have been praying, and have had people praying for me, and….thing have been coming together.

diffrent things have been speaking out to me and i have been getting back into being normal.

it did indeed start with a short but sweet txt convo with Hogs…and developed from there.

Yoda’s Bible study, was simple, but spoke right out to me. Then while preparing my ‘sermon’  for Sunday with two other friends more things came clearer.

lastly, I went to Youth at Springvale with Speed last night where his youth pastor spoke, and although i was slightly shaken, it did  speak to me….

all of these in the same way, saying the same thing!

Stop living for the future.

stop thinking so much about the future!!

and now, after a good nights sleep and a delightful PA day ahead of me…I have come to my own thoughts about this made up of my whole week of  other peoples thoughts and seeing them my way.

First off, i NEED to stop thinking so much about what is going to happen tomorrow (or what is going to be this time next year for the most part) I need to not ‘live in the moment’ for my self, because that will just get me back to this spot. i need to live in this moment, and the next one and the next one…and all of these moments….for God…becuase when we do this…we AREN’T just doing this for our selves, we doing doing them for God, and this is restoring his kingdom, here on earth! when we spend our lives, using them for good haveing ‘good’ lives, knowing we are using our god given gift for him….then we are helping bring other people close to him, and preparing our selves for his amazingness :P

( guess that kinda answers my personal question about selflessness…)

 

 

but ya….i dont know if half of that came our right…but i hope it touched someone :)

 

 

xoxo VIVA!!

Images.

The task of deciding on my future is much more of a stressful adventure than i had anticipated.

In my mind you see, i have this delightful image….i guess its a mix of Bergdorf Blonde and part Grey’s anatomy star. the beautiful, brilliant surgeon how makes all the money, yet is having an amazing time while doing it. Has the STUNNING  husband, the war hero. Hes hardly home, but oh well – neither am I. between my 30 hour shifts and his tours and long hours, it is a very special time that we are home together for a long period of time. And we, of course love that! well, its perfect, no fighting, no doubting, it just works due to our love. we think of making a kid someday, and like the idea of it…but know one of us would have to stop working….but ya, that will never happen.

 

then i look at this planned future of mine.

pick it apart.

this is what happens to it;

 

first off, no beautiful woman goes it med school (according to House) and even though i shall breaking this (and so will my beautiful Hogs XD) how will i have the time to keep up my 13 day highlights and with the current jimmy cho bags while i am studying for mid-terms? wouldnt i just get to the point where i left my hair and make-up go undonw becuase for most of the day my hair if in a cap and my face covered be a surgical mask? and really, what kind of man wants a wife who is attached to the hospital?

having kids in this situation would be criminal, and although it is true that nannies need to work for someone, what would become of the beautiful kids i make who have no parents to tuck them in a night, because one is fighting a war and one is cutting open total strangers to save their lives?

my own happieness cannot make every one happy now can it?

and dreams are hardly reality.

 

Viva xoxo