When it rains (and i dont even notice)

Today has been…..a truly pleasant day.

Saturday, My friend from work was trying all day to make me take his shift, and i am very happy that i didnt.

this morning in Church i discovered that i can get very jealous….very fast.

But then, seeing my sin, i tried to stop said feelings…only to fail (greatly) but under no harsh reactions thankfully. Letting it go…was easy but at the same time i didnt want to….blarg.

Because…its not even that im ‘jelous’ per-say…..im just…so worried that something is actually going on that i dont know about…and i should be worried for….something.

I get my afraid then jealous…and afriad from being jealous.

But my afternoon was the best they get in my books.

A day of Being home alone with speed, just chilling and sleeping and watching television. Truly the best type of day, and being completely honest i didnt know what to do with my self once he left me.

Doing nothing is far less enjoyable when one has to do it all alone. It much much better when there is some one beside you (or where ever they are around you)

Just lieing on the sofa being sleepy and lazy….seems much less of a lazy pointless thing to do, when there is a someone joining in on the same activity with you.

it is also the most enjoyable when said person is one whom you care very much for and dont want to go away any time soon.

This is God showing his love to me :)

xo viva

Images.

The task of deciding on my future is much more of a stressful adventure than i had anticipated.

In my mind you see, i have this delightful image….i guess its a mix of Bergdorf Blonde and part Grey’s anatomy star. the beautiful, brilliant surgeon how makes all the money, yet is having an amazing time while doing it. Has the STUNNING  husband, the war hero. Hes hardly home, but oh well – neither am I. between my 30 hour shifts and his tours and long hours, it is a very special time that we are home together for a long period of time. And we, of course love that! well, its perfect, no fighting, no doubting, it just works due to our love. we think of making a kid someday, and like the idea of it…but know one of us would have to stop working….but ya, that will never happen.

 

then i look at this planned future of mine.

pick it apart.

this is what happens to it;

 

first off, no beautiful woman goes it med school (according to House) and even though i shall breaking this (and so will my beautiful Hogs XD) how will i have the time to keep up my 13 day highlights and with the current jimmy cho bags while i am studying for mid-terms? wouldnt i just get to the point where i left my hair and make-up go undonw becuase for most of the day my hair if in a cap and my face covered be a surgical mask? and really, what kind of man wants a wife who is attached to the hospital?

having kids in this situation would be criminal, and although it is true that nannies need to work for someone, what would become of the beautiful kids i make who have no parents to tuck them in a night, because one is fighting a war and one is cutting open total strangers to save their lives?

my own happieness cannot make every one happy now can it?

and dreams are hardly reality.

 

Viva xoxo