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The Future.
Something that has to come.
but really, is always coming, never really gets here…because it becomes the present so quickly…then, just as fast the past.
A dictionary definition of Furture is; a condition, esp. of success or failure, to come: Some people believe a gypsy can tell you your future.
And, the future has just been something….that lately, i have been putting….too much pressure on. (and honestly, i go though phases like this, i stop living in the moment and worry about every little thing and how it may affect my future)
so lately, it has been – overthinking things like…University, my career, camp next year, my relationships (with friends family and my romantic one) and just…EVERYTHING.
and its painful. for those of you how don’t know. it really hurts, to not be able to actually enjoy a moment to its fullest because you are too caught up in worrying about it ending.
Not being able to focus on homework, becuase your too worried about it being perfect and not giving you the grades you need.
Not being able to form normal friendships with people because your too busy imaging how they will eventually stab you in the back or even worse.
I literally, have been going crazy for the past week or so. :P
But, i have been praying, and have had people praying for me, and….thing have been coming together.
diffrent things have been speaking out to me and i have been getting back into being normal.
it did indeed start with a short but sweet txt convo with Hogs…and developed from there.
Yoda’s Bible study, was simple, but spoke right out to me. Then while preparing my ‘sermon’ for Sunday with two other friends more things came clearer.
lastly, I went to Youth at Springvale with Speed last night where his youth pastor spoke, and although i was slightly shaken, it did speak to me….
all of these in the same way, saying the same thing!
Stop living for the future.
stop thinking so much about the future!!
and now, after a good nights sleep and a delightful PA day ahead of me…I have come to my own thoughts about this made up of my whole week of other peoples thoughts and seeing them my way.
First off, i NEED to stop thinking so much about what is going to happen tomorrow (or what is going to be this time next year for the most part) I need to not ‘live in the moment’ for my self, because that will just get me back to this spot. i need to live in this moment, and the next one and the next one…and all of these moments….for God…becuase when we do this…we AREN’T just doing this for our selves, we doing doing them for God, and this is restoring his kingdom, here on earth! when we spend our lives, using them for good haveing ‘good’ lives, knowing we are using our god given gift for him….then we are helping bring other people close to him, and preparing our selves for his amazingness :P
( guess that kinda answers my personal question about selflessness…)
but ya….i dont know if half of that came our right…but i hope it touched someone :)
xoxo VIVA!!
Well my dear readers….or who ever stumbles upon this page today. (for it seems the only person i thought would be reading this isnt…-.-)
WELL.
i dont have much to say today…..actually thatsa lie. there are many things i could go on and on and on about. for i had a packed weekend, as many could confirm and wasnt even near a computer for pretty much the whole time (which sucks)
a brief synopsis of my weekend is very hard to do, for it felt like much longer then a weekend. up north with the mates, such good times. not as good as it could have been, but still super mad chills and crazy good love.
very epic convo’s with the bf…..some great questions were brought about. like; why are we told to be selfless….if we only do that so we can be better and will be a better person…so in affect, is being selfless….being selfish?
and
are feelings even worth shit?
Ok, so what is what is right, cuz if catholisism is the right thing, can i just sign up?
you know….that deep crap only a pair of losers such as our selfs could think up. i would love to know everyones opinions on this stuff. like for real, if you read these blogs – comment – cuz i would LOVE that.
but on the other hand.
Hospital is good. it is enjoyable to do trake care, i get to pretty do everything but suction the patients – which is sick! i keep getting told i would make a great RT cuz i have that sick sense of humor, and actually love seeing gross stuff. i Intabated the practice head on my first try today…not even using the right tecnique…but i better start practicing right, i dont want to get into a bad habbit and be stuck with it for the rest of my carrear. you know? I find it crazy how much i love the hospital. Like, we do the same stuff everyday and even though i get used to it…i love it. we do our rounds, answers pages and respond to emerginces….then just chill…best job ever in my opinion.
QUESTIUON! what do you think would be the best job every?
xoxo
Viva!
Hospitals, contrary to common belief, are a slow paced place. Most of my morning was indeed spent, sitting around waiting for N’s Beeper to go off so we could run to the call of duty.
but of course, said beeper did never beep and we were left waiting untill we could begin of only planned procesdure…that was of course held up due to the ever late Dr. Phil…..oh well…no one ever said it was going to be awsome.
no wait, i did! on the first day when we intabate someone, did a reverse trake and many other gross and gory things in a mere 3 hours.
buts whos to say tomorrow wont pick up?
im sure i can count on one hand the number of people who will be reading this…sad isnt it? BUT! this can also be a good thing, for then less people will judge my terrible writing and spelling skills…and lame ass life….
so i will turn away from writing a bout ‘life’ for it seems endless and tiresome….i would love ideas on what to write about. give me anything! a rant you would like to see me go on, a story that needs to be told, and opinion of mine you would like to see….of course becuase there is a mere one person reading this blog i may get very little response…but what responce i do get will be SICK and thanked greatly for by a responce from me.
xoxo
Viva!
