Images.

The task of deciding on my future is much more of a stressful adventure than i had anticipated.

In my mind you see, i have this delightful image….i guess its a mix of Bergdorf Blonde and part Grey’s anatomy star. the beautiful, brilliant surgeon how makes all the money, yet is having an amazing time while doing it. Has the STUNNING  husband, the war hero. Hes hardly home, but oh well – neither am I. between my 30 hour shifts and his tours and long hours, it is a very special time that we are home together for a long period of time. And we, of course love that! well, its perfect, no fighting, no doubting, it just works due to our love. we think of making a kid someday, and like the idea of it…but know one of us would have to stop working….but ya, that will never happen.

 

then i look at this planned future of mine.

pick it apart.

this is what happens to it;

 

first off, no beautiful woman goes it med school (according to House) and even though i shall breaking this (and so will my beautiful Hogs XD) how will i have the time to keep up my 13 day highlights and with the current jimmy cho bags while i am studying for mid-terms? wouldnt i just get to the point where i left my hair and make-up go undonw becuase for most of the day my hair if in a cap and my face covered be a surgical mask? and really, what kind of man wants a wife who is attached to the hospital?

having kids in this situation would be criminal, and although it is true that nannies need to work for someone, what would become of the beautiful kids i make who have no parents to tuck them in a night, because one is fighting a war and one is cutting open total strangers to save their lives?

my own happieness cannot make every one happy now can it?

and dreams are hardly reality.

 

Viva xoxo

DownHill

Well then.

it has been sometime between posts.

i have no excuse for this.

truly, no excuse.

maybe its just the fact that no one has even looked at my blog page in forever and a day.

maybe the fact that im just all round upset at everything for no good reason.

who knows.

well, lets catch up on whats been going down.

last week;

was productive…not really. i haven’t seen Speed in over a week due to some horrible sickness that has fallen upon him. at first we thought it may be his meds (for heart and thyroid) that were acting up. but now he just feels like shit and is legitimately sick – passing it on to bruno who now is also sick.

this sucks for me because it meant that all of me plans last week ended in ruins and me feeling unmentionable sorry for my self. just wishing for heath to return to him.

not to mention that fact that he never calls, never writes and this also upsets me.

not to mention that i went to a code Blue, experienced death, and dealt with it perfectly. didnt care at all – ya now i feel like a freak for laughing at a joke five mins before this dude died. and really, i dont even feel bad – what up, it happend, get over it. im not allowed to go to a code pink (when a kids heart stops) because i would be to hard on me… but no, um, it wouldnt be thanks, i can deal with it.

not to mention i hate my life when im not at the hospital. (ironic?)

or that no one has been reading my blog.

and this brutaly boring and morbid post will trun people off forever.

xoxo Viva!

Growing Grass

Hospitals, contrary to common belief, are a slow paced place. Most of my morning was indeed spent, sitting around waiting for N’s Beeper to go off so we could run to the call of duty.

but of course, said beeper did never beep and we were left waiting untill we could begin of only planned procesdure…that was of  course held up due to the ever late Dr. Phil…..oh well…no one ever said it was going to be awsome.

no wait, i did! on the first day when we intabate someone, did a reverse trake and many other gross and gory things in a mere 3 hours.

buts whos to say tomorrow wont pick up?

im sure i can count on one hand the number of people who will be reading this…sad isnt it? BUT! this can also be a good thing, for then less people will judge my terrible writing and spelling skills…and lame ass life….

so i will turn away from writing a bout ‘life’ for it seems endless and tiresome….i would love ideas on what to write about. give me anything! a rant you would like to see me go on, a story that needs to be told, and opinion of mine you would like to see….of course becuase there is a mere one person reading this blog i may get very little response…but what responce i do get will be SICK and thanked greatly for by a responce from me.

xoxo

Viva!