Sunshine

In all honesty,

I rarely notice the sunshine in my day to day adventures.

Not in the physical sense. I don’t ever examine my surroundings and keep then to memory, don’t remember the wind to the sun (or lack there of.) I find it unnecessary.

yet at the same time, there is a part of me that wishes i had more moments of Sunshine stored up in my memory. i like the warm way it feels in the moment. The way it heats your skins and calms your heart.

i like this a lot.

I like waking to the sun making its was through the cracks in my blinds and making me squint. i couldn’t exactly say this makes me ‘happy’ but i like it none the less.

Today there was sunshine. In the sky and in my heart.

My beauty Blondie ate lunch with me as i completed some note on an essay i was reading. She makes me smile, very much. She calls me beautiful and laughs at my jokes. She touches my leg and soothes my tears. She makes me happy and sad at the same time. Happy because she says such wounderful things about me, and sad becuase i see that she is one of the only people who see them. She also read my journal…..which was a huge leap for me….it was awkward – yet took lots off my chest, knowing that now, someone else in this world knows some of those thoughts.

I like to think that my thoughts are interesting…but never really believe my self. i feel like, as i write it seems good…then i lose the ‘goodness’ after the word is typed or printed….but of course, then i see that this is just one of my crazy things that are just in my head…arg…

 

More sunshine:

The day speed and I spent together was filled with it. (really it was cloudy and foggy….but it was sunny for me)  We adventured to the old house across the road and took some SICK pictures joked around and had a generally good time. The fact the we made the choice to lay down on a cold pavement spot in the back yard was not the smartest thing, but oh well…it was well worth the cold. Watching football while laying on the couch was also a highlight, and something we do often. (and now i miss.)

Nikon training was a blast….meh…..w/e…..BUt i do love the people i work with which is really great :) and yesterday i sold almost 900 dollars of merchandise….sweet deal? i think so.

now i do see that my whole ‘sharing my life with you’ is getting boring….

xox

Viva!

Images.

The task of deciding on my future is much more of a stressful adventure than i had anticipated.

In my mind you see, i have this delightful image….i guess its a mix of Bergdorf Blonde and part Grey’s anatomy star. the beautiful, brilliant surgeon how makes all the money, yet is having an amazing time while doing it. Has the STUNNING  husband, the war hero. Hes hardly home, but oh well – neither am I. between my 30 hour shifts and his tours and long hours, it is a very special time that we are home together for a long period of time. And we, of course love that! well, its perfect, no fighting, no doubting, it just works due to our love. we think of making a kid someday, and like the idea of it…but know one of us would have to stop working….but ya, that will never happen.

 

then i look at this planned future of mine.

pick it apart.

this is what happens to it;

 

first off, no beautiful woman goes it med school (according to House) and even though i shall breaking this (and so will my beautiful Hogs XD) how will i have the time to keep up my 13 day highlights and with the current jimmy cho bags while i am studying for mid-terms? wouldnt i just get to the point where i left my hair and make-up go undonw becuase for most of the day my hair if in a cap and my face covered be a surgical mask? and really, what kind of man wants a wife who is attached to the hospital?

having kids in this situation would be criminal, and although it is true that nannies need to work for someone, what would become of the beautiful kids i make who have no parents to tuck them in a night, because one is fighting a war and one is cutting open total strangers to save their lives?

my own happieness cannot make every one happy now can it?

and dreams are hardly reality.

 

Viva xoxo

Solid…

The title says it all my friends….(i there are any of you out there)…a pretty solid day was had by Viva. I’m loving how what were once epic evens in my life are slowly becoming the simple mundane tasks that one just does as going thought the motions. Yet in a way that was not at all a sarcastic comment….mostly sarcastic, but partially not. I like getting used to how things go, but i also enjoy that feeling of   “OMFG, THIS IS SICK!”  but the normalness of it all does keep me more in control.  ah well….how did my day play out you ask? no of course you don’t.

Highlights

I made it to the Hospital delightfully on time today, and was on my feet for a good amount of my time there. sucking flem out of old ladies lungs, washing my hands, playing with cute new born whom had some breathing issues, washing my hands, cleaning, restocking, playing with my heart rate…..ya…good times XD

Thank my God that i found a new bus route, no longer being late for afternoon classes makes my afternoon run much smoother.

what up walk home, had good times and a yummy chicken burger.

Depressing Notes

The sadness the over whelmed me when I discovered had no way to get to my dear Speeds house was great. therefor no getting my butt kicked at Halo 3 ODST and no good times at SVY.  (But i am tres excited for the coming weekend. Up north, camping, Sick times with Speed and Yoda, and weedpie)

lame afternoon as a whole to tell you the truth…don’t even want to get into it. lame lame lame harmony’s to learn and an alright session on symbol.

I may not get an other one in untill monday, but i wounder who will miss me. TELL ME IF YOU DO! xo

im stoked for tomorrow, hospital then uni fair the up to the great north.

xoxo

Viva!